And then I realized it wasn’t a dream. I DID HAVE twelve needles stuck in my throat this morning.
And that’s the reality of the waking world.
Sometimes we wake up so relieved that the awful nightmare of the monster chasing you down the street with a knife after you robbed a candy store was just a dream. Whew!
And sometimes we wake up and realize that {whatever happened insert here} is real. It’s enough to roll over, hide under the covers and go back to sleep.
Even still, as I awoke, I am grateful and thankful for an incredible team of physicians at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston. They were fantastic (even as they stuck needles in my neck).
I will know in a matter of days what is going on with my thyroid.
As it turns out, I am in at at-risk category because of my previous cancer history and the radiation treatment from twenty years ago. 90% of survivors have thyroid nodules that are benign, but there is a risk that it could be malignant too.
It turns out I am in an at-risk category.
It also turns out that I am human too.
Sometimes I feel like a FEARLESS rock. And other times I feel like a big puddle of mush.
Today, I kept hearing the words of a very wise woman.
They weren’t coming from any inner strength I possess, more from something a three-time cancer survivor told me last week.
“There is nothing to fear.” She said.
These words stuck with me as the needles poked their way around the nodules in my throat.
“There is nothing to fear.”
These words repeated in my mind, even as a tear fell down the side of my cheek and Justin rubbed my leg as the doctors hovered above me.
“There is nothing to fear.”
And life goes on.In fact, all I could think about in the radiation room today was the party tonight. I planned a surprise birthday party for Justin and hoped he still didn’t know about it.As I lay on the table and needles poked through me, I focused on him, the party, the surprise, the love and the gift of planning something for someone else.
It got me through.
And I think that is precisely the the whole point of this lesson in abundance. What started out as a gift a day and has turned into sharing love of the moment is really teaching me this…
We are here to love.
No matter the struggle.
No matter the strength.
No matter the trouble or success, we are here to love.
To give to each other.
To share wtih each other.
To learn from each other.
To focus on love.
And, even, sometimes, to do the unthinkable…. throw a surprise party for the guy that is never surprised.
Happy birthday, Justin.
Thank you for being by my side, through thick and thin, and some prickly needles too.
To everyone else, thank you for the love and support! I will keep you posted on my test results which we should have next week.
Until then, I know in my heart, there’s nothing to fear.
Life goes on.
We’re here to love more, and fear less.
More tomorrow,
And, I give you permission to do the same!
