Jamie’s BLOG – DAY 208 :: happy birthday

27 Jul

I’ve been thinking a lot about birthdays – and newness. Partly because this surgery journey is winding down, partly because of the book I’m reading, and mostly because of my mamas.

Tomorrow is my mother’s birthday. Off the top of my head I have no idea how old she would be, and honestly, I don’t want to figure it out. She is timeless in my heart. A few wrinkles sure. But an angelic face and beaming smile will always be my memory of my Mama Sling. Forever youthful. Forever my loving, doting, silly and serious mother.

Today is Jaynane’s birthday. My other mama. She was Mama Sling’s bestie and they shared more than laughs, golf outings, recipes, and good times. They shared so much life together, including their teenage children’s love for each other.

Mama Sling left me to this world a long time ago. And, sometimes, I wonder if she was able to move on because she knew Jaynane would be there to pick up right where she left off. And she has. Which makes me feel so lucky and loved.

I think birthdays are good reminders of life, where we’ve been and what’s next to come. A moment to pause, if you will, to enjoy some simple beauty, whether it’s a big party or a little card. It is a time to celebrate.

Happy Birthday Jaynane. Happy Birthday Mama Sling.
As I celebrate my mamas, I also celebrate my new “girls” my new implants, my new lease on life. Let the party begin.

More tomorrow.
Lovemore,
Jamie

 

{what can you celebrate?}

Jamie’s BLOG – DAY 207 :: on the other side

26 Jul

It’s hard to believe I had surgery yesterday. It feels like a week ago already. I’m still hooked up to drains and popping pain pills every two hours, but in general, this has been the easiest one so far.

(I even went out to dinner tonight!)

Despite it all I feel so blessed and lucky. And loved.

I had a surprise visit from Thelma and Louise, a.k.a., Jaynane and Nancy. Phone calls and notes from friends. And of course Justin hasn’t left my side. But it’s the kind of attention I would happily give up, as I’m feeling down right done with this surgery journey.

But for right now, it’s good to feel loved and cared for and supported. More than anything I am so happy to be on the other side.

Thank you for being here with me. I am thankful and grateful and ready to get the show on the road.

After recovery of course.

More tomorrow.
Lovemore,
Jamie

 

{what are you thankful for?}

Jamie’s BLOG – DAY 206 :: the wonderful wizard of tatas

25 Jul

I woke with a song going through my head. “I’m off to see the wizard!”

And I am off. Off to see the surgeon! See you here tomorrow.

I’m off to see the wizard
The wonderful wizard of TaTa’s!
Because, because, because, because, because…
Because of the wonderful things that she does!

More tomorrow.
Lovemore,
Jamie

{where are you off to today?}

Jamie’s BLOG – DAY 205 :: beautiful purpose

24 Jul

Three surgeries in eleven months. My own personal record but not the kind of peak performance I intended when I started out this year.

At my last appointment I actually asked my surgeon if I could get this third surgery for free, you know, like a BOGO or a preferred VIP bonus. She laughed. I was serious.

Tonight, I’m contemplating what it will feel like to have soft breasts again in place of these hard plastic dog toys sitting on my chest. I actually don’t remember what my standard issued breasts felt like, you know, before surgery. I’m sure they were beautiful in their own small-chested perky way. The funny thing is that I lived with them for 40 years and yet I can’t remember them at all. Well, okay, maybe it was more like 27 years but who’s counting?

If there’s one thing this process has taught me it’s to appreciate simple beauty – the simple beauty of a flat chest, or a hard plastic one, and soon, the soft silicone kind.

They have all had their own beautiful purpose. It’s just that, sometimes, you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.

And that makes me think that maybe the most critical part of peak performance is recognizing where you’ve been and appreciating where you are, so you can fast forward to where you are supposed to go next.

Next up for me: new tatas!

Enjoy simple beauty pause right now.

More tomorrow.
Lovemore,
Jamie

 

{what’s new for you?}

Jamie’s BLOG – DAY 204 :: bloom on

23 Jul

One day bloom….

This little flower bloomed today. It will be gone tomorrow.
Sigh.
Wow.
Beauty.

More tomorrow.
Lovemore,
Jamie

 

{what beauty did you spot today?}

Jamie’s BLOG – DAY 203 :: be fearless

22 Jul

I received this note today from a friend.

He wrote: “I found your candy wrapper”…

At first I thought it was some sort of spam email. Or game request from Facebook. But then I opened it and saw this:

And I had to smile. Thanks for the sweet reminder. Surgery in three days. But this is a lifetime commitment.

More tomorrow.
Lovemore,
Jamie

 

{how are you fearless?}

Jamie’s BLOG – DAY 202 :: speaking of peak performance

21 Jul

There’s nothing like a surgery to get your peak performance in gear!  It’s Monday already and it feels like Friday will be here before I know it. I have my list and am checking it twice.

And that reminds me of something very valuable: deadlines.

Deadlines keep me focused. Just like writing this blog every single day keeps me focused.

Deadlines help me show up and deliver.

Deadlines are motivating.

Drop dead date? Deadline?

It’s just too bad they had to add the word “dead” inside. I mean, really, couldn’t we have a more positive word for channelled focus.

Have any good ideas?
If so, be sure to send them to me before tomorrow’s deadline.

More tomorrow.
Lovemore,
Jamie

{what’s your deadline?}

Jamie’s BLOG – DAY 201:: hale to the kale

20 Jul

It’s Sunday night and all I have is a little bit of kale to share.

Okay, so it’s a LOT of bits of kale to share. My lunch of kale chips only put a minor dent in this latest harvest.

There’s something so great about eating kale — I feel like every cell of my body sucks in every nutrient a like a vacuum.

Kale has got to be some ancient secret, super power, magical kind of food. Even if it’s not, it makes me feel like I am a peak performer.

And sometimes all that matters is feeling good.

More tomorrow.
Lovemore,
Jamie

{what makes you feel good?}

Jamie’s BLOG – DAY 200 :: watching over summer tomatoes

19 Jul

We are more than halfway through the year, and in the height of ONE HOT summer.

The 100-degree heat is good for sweating off some unwanted pounds and producing some beautiful vegetables. I swear you could grow anything here on the left coast — it’s so sunny and hot, just add water.

And just look at these tomatoes I picked today!

I mean honestly! I still have no idea what I’m doing in the garden. I have no idea what makes these things grow. We just water the ground and it sprouts.

The corn in the garden is now taller than me. The tomatoes have created their own kingdom of vines. The celery is turning into towers and the kale looks like its own radar tower shooting out of the ground floor.

I would love to take credit for any of it, but I cannot. Justin turns on the water at night. I wake up in the morning and look at the green jungle in awe. It is literally growing before my eyes.

It is Mother Nature’s Peak Performance.

I do nothing except pick and harvest and talk to the little flowering buds.

Sometimes I sing to them. It’s really a function of being a highly outgoing individual who is socially starved of the intellectual connections she once knew in a land called Boston.

There, in Beantown, I would discuss the fate of humanity, the economic crisis, politics, business and the outcome of every Red Sox game.

But, here, on this coast, it is just too hot to think intellectually. My mind is focused on how to cool down the house, when to open the windows and when to turn the air conditioner on for maximum ice box potential. P.S. On this coast nobody really cares about the Red Sox.

So I watch my tomatoes grow. And in some simply beautiful way, it seems there really is nothing more important in the world that making sure somebody watches over them, makes sure they are sung to, and picks them at just the right ripe moment.

And that makes me think, in some odd way, if everyone just took care of their own tomatoes there might be more than just fresh food in the world.

There might be a bit more singing. And salsa.

More tomorrow.
Lovemore,
Jamie

{who do you sing to?}

Jamie’s BLOG – DAY 199 :: unveiling my new….

18 Jul

I have the privilege of working/dreaming/creating/marketing/building really cool things with amazing women. I like to think of it as Marketing From The Heart.

And today I was THRILLED to receive a little love in the mail from some women who are doing just that — creating from the heart by making yoga clothing the fits real women.

Here’s one of my new Ena Yoga Apparel outfits!

It was really hard to capture this selfie and get the Eva Tank Top and Maya bootie shorts all in one pic. But I did it, just to show that real women with real curves can wear yoga clothes too.

That’s right! I have real curves now — new “tatas” are on the way. One week and counting to my surgery/implant exchange which will officially cap off the mastectomy/reconstructive process. And while the girls don’t “look” that big in this photo, believe me, they are bigger than they have ever been.

They also feel hard as plastic right now. It’s the expanders. They are FULL and filled with saline, and thank goodness because they have created the space needed for the new implants.

But they are hard. So hard I woke up in a sleepy half dreaming/half awake state this week and felt a plastic dog toy in my bed. As I cupped my hand around the dog toy I thought, “How did this get into my bed?”

Then I woke up and realized it was my breast — or the expander currently playing the role of my left tata.

We had a good laugh over it — and thank goodness there is no squeaky toy included in this process.

But it has been an interesting process, this DCIS diagnosis. There’s so much I have learned. For one — I now must order a size up! (Thus, my new Ena Yoga Apparel clothing.) For someone who has been a flat chested athlete most of her life, this is a new world.

But, for someone who has also been a breast cancer advocate for most of her adulthood (God Bless you Mama Sling!) I am learning something else.

I don’t want to fight. I don’t want to be a warrior. I don’t want to run from or against anything.

Instead, I choose to soak in Beauty and Love.

If you’ve been around her for a while you know my new mantra - Enjoy Simple Beauty, Pause Right Now.

It’s a both a reminder and a mantra. A way to make sense of the amazing accomplishments that come with peak performance as well as the surprises, or twists and turns that knock on the door in the middle of the night, and the things that happen while you are out making other plans (or in the middle of a fertility appointment where your doctor announces you have a lump in your breast).

So on this Friday Night I announce I am giving up the fight. Instead I embrace beauty and love because life is beautiful. We should live while we are alive, we should love while our hearts beat.

And while we are alive we should work/dream/create/market/build/share/do really cool things with amazing people that bring out our best strengths, celebrate our talents and inspire others to do the same.

(That might be worth a pause!)

E.S.B.P.R.N.

More tomorrow.
Lovemore,
Jamie

{what strength can you celebrate?}
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