I made an intention this morning.
I vowed to stay in the room.
To just sit. Stay. Good girl.
As I placed my mat on the floor at Tapas Hot Yoga, my instructor, Claire, asked me how I felt — to which I answered, “Tired. I am honestly tired.”
It was not the early class. It wasn’t even Monday morning.
I have not run, walked vigorously, swam or even skipped to my lou my darlin’ — at least not this week. I have no cold, no illness, no excuse.
I have no good reason to be tired.
But, I am. Or, was.
And, that’s precisely when Claire flashed me a knowing smile and spoke her magic words: “It’s okay if you’re tired, just stay in the room. If nothing else, just stay in the room, you’ll still get all the benefits from being here.”
Hearing her words, rewired my brain.
YES! I thought to myself — I am here, I showed up, that’s all I need to do. The rest is icing on the cake.
I suppose it’s much like writing here everyday.
I made an intention to do it everyday, and not to shop.
So that’s what I’m doing.
Some days I stare at my computer screen blankly while I dig trenches into my heart to pull out just exactly what it is I’m feeling. On other days, I have an entire blog post written in my head before my fingers hit the keyboard. Still others, I find myself racing against the clock trying to beat that last stoke before midnight just to publish something. Anything. One word before 11:59 pm flashes across my screen (or my cell phone — who wears a watch these days?).
Today, I was tired.
But, it led to an epiphany (thank you Claire).
On some days I will be tired. On some days I won’t be able to do my best. On some days, the most I’ve got to give will just be walking through the door and placing my mat on the floor …and that’s it.
And, that is enough.
Actually, it’s better than enough — it’s beautiful. It’s perfect. Because it’s where I’m at, whether on my mat or in my head.
Maybe some day, one day, I will be the yogi girl I was meant to be; live up to my potentially noble Namaste bliss. It might mean dedicating body, heart and soul to downward dogging it more often, more routinely, more deeply, more meaningfully.
Until then, I vow to just keep showing up.
No matter how infrequent or often.
And, when I do, I will not leave the room.
So …see you in class?
Good for you, girl!