Day 259: f*ing friday :: forever

16 Sep

TGIF.
Today continues the weekly series, F*ing Fridays, which will coincidentally occur on Friday. I mentioned some of my favorite F words back on Day 5, including: Fearless, Fabulous, Fine, Fun, Faith, Freedom, Forgiveness, to name a Few.

Last week I dove into the word Forgotten.

Today’s F*ing Friday is dedicated to the word:
Forever

As in, always and forever.

That’s exactly how Justin and I would sign our love letters to each other in high school (you know back when humans wrote on paper with ink).

We were just seventeen and in high school.  One would think we were too young for sentiments of that dosage and strength — always and forever.

Young love!  Some might scoff.
But our love may be older than we think.

I just finished reading the trilogy of books by Dr. Brian Weiss with one great finale of a love story: Only Love Is Real, the story is of Pedro and Elizabeth, two patients of his who have lost each other across lifetimes and now have another chance to reconnect.

I know what it’s like to lose love and reconnect.

My friend Laura sent me a text message this week that said:
“You should listen to the Lady Antebellum song dancing away with my heart and look up the lyrics. It is about you and Justin.”

Her text peeked my interest. So I searched around on YouTube and found this video.

I haven’t seen you in ages
Sometimes I find myself
wondering where you are

You see, Justin and I met at the ripe old age of seventeen. He happened to be my first boyfriend and my first kiss.  And, we also happened to meet three months before I was diagnosed with cancer, before I lost everything I thought I loved — like playing varsity basketball and my long thick hair, not to mention my immortality.

By my side Justin stayed.
Through all of the surgeries and cancer treatments — he was always there, holding my hand, teasing me in a way nobody else could, making me laugh at times when there was nothing f*ing funny at all.

And the way you moved me was like you were in my mind
I can still feel you lean into kiss me
I can’t help but wonder if you ever miss me

I always thought he arrived in my life at exactly the right time, to see me through my cancer and to get me to the other side.  Because, soon, we were hatched and off to college, launched into a world much bigger than we knew or even understood.

Oh you headed out to college
At the end of that summer when we lost touch
I guess I didn’t realize even at that moment we lost so much

We broke up.
And, so, I thought I lost him forever.  Sure there were hints from my mother about where he was and what he was doing, which she delivered directly from his mother.  But as soon as my mom died even that game of telephone dried up too.

We each flew in different directions.
I went East to Boston.
He went West to the Oregon coast.

Could two souls get any further apart?

In reading the books of Dr. Weiss it seems they can.
Pedro and Elizabeth spent lifetimes together, through different centuries, in different countries, languages, lifestyles — even in different roles.  In one lifetime Pedro was Elizabeth’s father, and she his daughter.

The book beautifully illustrates the power and the bond of two souls, traveling this life and many others.

Now, I can’t say I totally believe in past life regression.
I’ve never done it.  But, if there is one thing The Promise 365 is doing, it is keeping my mind open to the idea that I don’t know it all.

But I do know this:
Justin came into my life at exactly the perfect moment, not just once but twice.

Right before I was diagnosed with cancer and fifteen years later, right after I was divorced, laid off, and completely uprooted from what I thought was my so-called-life.

Each time we have found each other, I have felt an unexplainable mixture of peace and love and a special warmth in my heart that can only be described as home.

for me you’ll always be 18
and beautiful
and dancing away with my heart

Maybe that’s just what true love feels like, or maybe, just maybe, that is what the heart feels when it has been linked to another forever, through many times and many lives.

Either way, it brings me great comfort to know that what we think is lost, can be found.

I love you Justin.

Always and forever.


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