As you know, I entered this year determined to be fearless. But, I don’t want more fear or less in my life. I want more love. So I made up a new word, lovemore! That’s why Lovemore Mondays are here.
Today’s Lovemore Monday is a love story about Joy.
As in, loving yourself.
I think I had a major breakthrough this past week.
I realized I am really not afraid.
I don’t harbor fear.
Sure, I am arachnophobic and scared of swimming in the depths of the ocean, but that’s not really an everyday sort of thing.
Those are phobias.
And, phobias are a different sort of classification of fear.
But, I do have something that wears on me at an everyday level.
It feels more like worry.
I may have inhereited this from my mother.
Mama Sling had a sense of worry about her — she also had an incredible sense of humor, an infectious laugh, a gentle hug, a strong faith, an ability to create the perfect scrumptious recipes for life’s most comforting moments, and unbridled love for anyone around her — pretty much a laundry list of the best traits you could order up in a mother.
But, I do remember that she worried.
She worried through big things.
I specifically remember watching her hands wring back and forth while sitting next to me during my oncologist appointment — worrying about the gargantuan needle that was about to be poked inside my bone marrow.
She worried through fun things.
I remember her neck turning bright red in splotches while she watched me run up and down the court during my school basketball competitions — worrying for every single one of us in uniform.
She worried through little things.
Like the time I forgot to say excuse me to my dog, Pepper, as I bounded past him in the hallway — worrying to instill a good sense of lady-like manners in me.
I’m not sure where this worry comes from — hers or mine.
But, I’m determined to find out.
And, I have a good lead.
Just this past weekend Debbie showed me a page in a book that made everything seem so clear. On page 297 of Ask and It Is Given: Learning to Manifest Your Desires there is, typed up for all to see, an Emotional Scale.
I was please to see that I have already moved up the scale from #22 FEAR up all the way to #14 Worry.
I still have a ways to go to get up to #3 Enthusiasm, #2 Passion and #1 Joy.
It’s not like I worry everyday about everything, but I have my moments and I worry too much. About things I can control and about things I can’t.
I am learning to LOVEMORE and go with the flow.
And, my hope is that, step by step, I will find my way to that #1 slot of JOY by the end of this 365 day journey.
I gain hope in knowing I have a little bit of wiggle room…
Since there are really 366 days this year.
And, for that…
I. Love. It.