I’ve been accused of being too open and honest on this blog. Sharing. Too. Much.
I can understand the sentiment. (I actually don’t share everything. I know some of you are shaking your heads with that statement). But I do share what feels important or significant each night.
Sometimes it’s important information and techniques, and sometimes just trivia for fun, or laughs, or lightness. Other times, it is deep thoughts that I shake off with words. Tonight, it’s my biopsy results.
The tests are back. The cells are ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS). It even has an acronym.
My doctor cautioned me NOT to google it (I did anyway). She told me not to research it online and underscored the fact that it was not cancerous, it is the stage before cancer.
It’s HONESTLY not what I wanted to hear. It’s HONESTLY not what I had planned for myself in this year of peak performance. But, it is what it is and now we move forward with surgery.
I am left with more questions than answers.
And irony. I am left with a big, whopping serving of irony.
How can it be that I am back in this place again? How can it be that in the same breath my doctor is talking about my fertility and Justin’s semen sample (which was good by the way) and how we are going to get pregnant. Then, in another breath, we are discussing surgery for something with an acronym that has taken up residence in my breast? Boobs, semen, baby, ovulation calculators and surgery?
It’s like a really bad mid-life crisis movie called “This Is 40.” Oh, wait, they already made that movie. So my version will have to be called: “This Is Not Fair.”
And that’s the HONEST fact. It is, ironically, not fair. Almost comically unbelievable.
So onward we go! It could be SO much worse. It could be so much more difficult, in so many ways, that I know is true.
So, maybe, the lesson of this year will be about how to find peak performance with what is. With the cards dealt. With the boobs we’ve already got?
Honestly, I’m glad you’re here with me as we find out. Because if there is one thing I know everyone needs for peak performance it is love and support.
And, I hope to return the favor any which way I possibly can (and will!).