2014 BLOG – DAY 77 :: being honesty honest

18 Mar

I’ve been accused of being too open and honest on this blog. Sharing. Too. Much.

I can understand the sentiment. (I actually don’t share everything. I know some of you are shaking your heads with that statement). But I do share what feels important or significant each night.

Sometimes it’s important information and techniques, and sometimes just trivia for fun, or laughs, or lightness. Other times, it is deep thoughts that I shake off with words. Tonight, it’s my biopsy results.

The tests are back. The cells are ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS). It even has an acronym.

My doctor cautioned me NOT to google it (I did anyway). She told me not to research it online and underscored the fact that it was not cancerous, it is the stage before cancer.

It’s HONESTLY not what I wanted to hear. It’s HONESTLY not what I had planned for myself in this year of peak performance. But, it is what it is and now we move forward with surgery.

Another surgery.
I am left with more questions than answers.
And irony. I am left with a big, whopping serving of irony.

How can it be that I am back in this place again? How can it be that in the same breath my doctor is talking about my fertility and Justin’s semen sample (which was good by the way) and how we are going to get pregnant. Then, in another breath, we are discussing surgery for something with an acronym that has taken up residence in my breast? Boobs, semen, baby, ovulation calculators and surgery?

It’s like a really bad mid-life crisis movie called “This Is 40.” Oh, wait, they already made that movie. So my version will have to be called: “This Is Not Fair.”

And that’s the HONEST fact. It is, ironically, not fair. Almost comically unbelievable.

So onward we go! It could be SO much worse. It could be so much more difficult, in so many ways, that I know is true.

So, maybe, the lesson of this year will be about how to find peak performance with what is. With the cards dealt. With the boobs we’ve already got?

Honestly, I’m glad you’re here with me as we find out. Because if there is one thing I know everyone needs for peak performance it is love and support.

And, I hope to return the favor any which way I possibly can (and will!).

More tomorrow.
Lovemore,
Jamie

{thanks for being here}

15 Responses to “2014 BLOG – DAY 77 :: being honesty honest”

  1. Diane Neal Emmons March 18, 2014 at 10:19 PM #

    Thank YOU for being there! Who else can be so open and honest and have such courage and good humor and give it to us every night? We love you and Justin and are sending waves of love and hugs. Feel them?
    Lovemore

    • Jamie March 19, 2014 at 7:22 AM #

      Thank you Diane – love you too! And I feel them. Mmmmmmmwha!

  2. Laura March 19, 2014 at 5:46 AM #

    You WILL make it through this and you and Justin WILL be wonderful parents one day. Believe…….

  3. Amy March 19, 2014 at 6:23 AM #

    Jamie, I can only imagine the thoughts and feelings you must be having now. I myself had a scare two weeks ago that included emergency surgery and the terror of what it all meant was paralyzing. Thankfully, my results were ok but I am still healing from surgery and, like you, a bit upset that it is interfering with my attempt to be a peak performer. All I can say is you are strong and brave and have the ability to find the bright spot. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help or support you!

    • Jamie March 19, 2014 at 7:23 AM #

      Amy, I am so sorry to hear this! But I am so happy your results were okay. Good healing vibes to you. I will keep you updated and will be sending you many, many good thoughts as you heal. Love love love love love love. xoxo

  4. Shannon Dixon March 19, 2014 at 7:27 AM #

    Love you Jamie!

    • Jamie March 19, 2014 at 7:37 AM #

      Love you too Shan! Miss you muchos. Thanks for your notes ;-) Sending you some birthday love!!! xoxoxo

  5. DebbyEdwards March 19, 2014 at 1:02 PM #

    Can we talk sometime. Friday call?

    • Jamie March 19, 2014 at 8:09 PM #

      Yes, please!!!

  6. Janet Shea March 19, 2014 at 2:03 PM #

    Well that sucks!! (In the way that anything but a clean bill of health sucks.) But with DCIS once they surgically remove it you ARE cancer-free. Thank goodness for good breast exams, because some things just aren’t found on mammograms. Stop googling now! I know, I know…easier said than done. My heart is with you sweet girl. <3

    • Jamie March 19, 2014 at 8:10 PM #

      Thank you Janet. I love that you write to me here, I love feeling your love and support in such a huge way. Thank you, thank you. The Googling has stopped. I promise. Call with doctor tonight, more calls tomorrow and more appointments soon. LOVE to you.

  7. Marcia March 20, 2014 at 5:50 AM #

    Sending healing hugs. Despite the cells (which will be taken away), you are healthy and wonderful and will quickly bounce back from this.

    • Jamie March 24, 2014 at 6:52 AM #

      Thank you Marcia ;-) Sending love back your way! I appreciate you being here and for sending this note. Here’s to bouncing back!!

  8. B Everist March 20, 2014 at 9:30 AM #

    Jamie

    My love is being sent to you! We will be keeping you in our prayers through put your decisions you will be making! In fact I put you on our church prayer list so know there will be MANY praying for you Love and more love to you and Justin Beverly J

    Sent from my iPhone

    • Jamie March 21, 2014 at 11:13 AM #

      Thank you Bev! Very sweet of you and I will take the prayers and the love. We are sending it right back to you too!! xoxo

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