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Day 154: f*ing friday :: fix

3 Jun

Today continues the weekly series, F*ing Fridays, which will coincidentally occur on Friday. I mentioned some of my favorite F words back on Day 5, including: Fearless, Fabulous, Fine, Fun, Faith, Freedom, Forgiveness, to name a Few.

Last week I dove into the word Ferry.

Today’s F*ing Friday is dedicated to the word:

As in, fix it?

It’s hard to believe we have been on this island for one whole week. It reminds me of something I forgot to tell you about our trip up here.

Do you chew your nails?
Ever?  Even just a little, tiny nibble now and then?

Yeah, I gave it up long ago too.
Well, I thought I did.

For the most part I have.
But, sometimes … SOMETIMES I slip and catch myself gnawing on the side of a hangnail, which immediately turns into a little nibble of a nail.  You know,  just to even it up a bit.

No, you don’t know?
Okay, well, let me explain.

If one side of your nail is lopsided you razor it down with a tooth to even it all out.

It’s an art form, really.
Such a delicate skill that it’s rare for even a seasoned nail biter to get the slope right.  Which of course forces you to gnaw on the other side too.

Pretty soon, say a few hours into this, you have every nail from every finger laying at your feet.

I thought that was the worst case scenario.

Turns out, it’s not.

On the drive here, in the car, at right about the 20th hour of driving, I spied the dreaded hangnail.

I couldn’t resist.

My butt hurt.  My eyes tired.  My nerves shot.
I began to slightly nibble on the tip of my finger nail.

And then it happened.
The last thing I expected.

My tooth chipped.

Yes, I know.  I only have myself to blame.

And, it sucks.
Because now I have to fix it.

Just those words send my mind spinning.

And it makes me wonder:
Just what does it mean to FIX something?

If something is broken, you fix it, right?
Like my tooth.

But, it will never be the same again.

Just like if a relationship is strained, you fix it.
You apologize, cry, laugh, grovel, whatever it takes.  But, you fix it, right?

When I have a sweet craving, I fix it ~ with sugar.
But, not anymore.  At least, not since the cleanse.
I just sit with my craving until it passes.

And, that gets me fixated on this:
What if there was nothing to fix?

What if I couldn’t fix my tooth?
Would I walk around all my life with a little gap at the tip?

What if we couldn’t fix relationships?
Once they were a little bit strained, would we just slip away?

What if I couldn’t fix my sugar craving?
One taste and I’m forever addicted again?
Body out of balance, system out of whack.

I suppose the answer is really simple.

If we all took care of what we already have… our toys, our communities, our families, ourselves.

There would be nothing to fix.
And that just might save a few broken hearts and finger nails … and oh yes, my tooth.

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