Archive | 11:07 PM

Day 248: wake up little darlin’ ~ it’s time to believe in youself

5 Sep

Tonight, on Day 248, I dedicate this post to a dear friendand to ANYONE else who is going through a major-transition-in-life.

On Day 152 I shared my theme song for the year.
It’s by Brad, called: Believe In Yourself

This is how it starts:

Wake up little darlin’,
I know it won’t take too long.
Wake up little darlin’,
You haven’t done nothin’ wrong.

Wake. Up.
Seems easier said than done sometimes.  Because, sometimes, the waking up part happens only after surprises catch you off-guard, tragedy strikes, floods rise, glass ceilings go bump. That’s usually when my eyes pop wide open, seeing the world around me in a new light.

Here’s what I know happens after the eyes-wide-open sensation subsides: things change and you are left with you, and if you choose, the best of you.

Lights out in the castle,
We’ve been stayin’ up too late,
Pray now, little darlin’,
We’re living for love not hate.

I learned this lesson on a surfboard in Hawaii.
I was my 35th birthday, I had recently left my husband, just found out I was laid off from my job, and, was living in my best friend’s in-laws spare bedroom with nothing left to my name except a few items of clothing that no longer fit (after losing 30 pounds from the stress of it all).

Add to that a Boston winter and I was desperate for a change of scenery.

My high school friend, Lindsey, convinced me to fly out to Hawaii and stay with her to get some sunshine, change of venue, perspective.

I bought a ticket, boarded a plane, and flew away.
Lindsey greeted me with open arms and a leis of flowers that she placed around my neck as I stepped off the plane.

It was a dose of friendly medicine to catch up with my high school buddy, to share stories of our families, of our antics in school, of our great life journeys thus far, and of our losses to date.

It was safe.
Lindsey knew me before I had cancer, before I went to college, before I was married, divorced, laid off, and lost in this big adult world.

So, Lindsey, knowing me that well, did what any loving friend would do — she bought me a surfing lesson (for she who fears the ocean).

And, I sucked at it.
Big time.

I couldn’t get myself up on the surfboard, each time I would try to jump out of the water and back on my board my winter white Boston butt cheeks hung out of my swimming suit while the rest of me fell down again.

Pressures are comin’,
But never you be afraid.

I was so embarrassed.
As an ex-athlete, as a stellar scholar, I had never before experienced such excruciating difficulty in learning how to do something.

I kept falling into the water.
My legs were bleeding from scraping against the coral.
I couldn’t get myself back up again.

The worst part was, even the instructor took pity on me.  All the other students were up on their boards floating on top of the waves and he was stuck by my side trying to get me up on that blasted board.

As I bobbed in the water, holding on my board like a three year old in floaties, I had an aha — WAKE UP — moment.

The instructor wasn’t taking pity on me — he was FLIRTING with me!

Call it confidence. Call it a change in attitude …whatever it was, as the light bulb went off in my head, I finally got myself up on my board and rode my first wave all the way to shore.

   

Standing on that board gave me a sense of confidence I had never felt before — not because I was surfing, but because I was soaring.

Hey now little angel,
You’re always gonna be safe,
If you believe in yourself.

It was in that moment, up on that surfboard, that I realized while I had lost everything in my life — the big condo in the city, the husband, the job, the car, that dream — I still had what is most precious, most important, most palpable:

I still had myself.
And, that’s, all I needed.

Greater is the moment,
When you remember your heart.

Whether you are trying to get up on a surfboard, or out of bed in the morning, or out from being buried under at work, I hope you realize you have this too.

Wake up little darlin’ — you have you.
If you believe in yourself.

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