Archive | 9:57 PM

2014 BLOG – DAY 64 :: just breathe

5 Mar

My coping mechanism is humor. In the presence of doctors I make jokes. It’s how I “deal.”

So today, while my breasts were being smashed between little plastic plates and then gooped up with ultrasound juice I suggested the imaging center offer margaritas instead of coffee.

It was a joke.
But I was totally serious.

I had an epiphany yesterday to avoid all the painful smashing of the the breasts.

My plan? Just get drunk.

Sure, it would be a mental escape. But it would also be helpful! It would be so much easier for the tech to maneuver my boobies if my body was more limber, flexible, and inebriated.

As it was, it felt like I was in a sick form of a Twister game. Or a really bad golf lesson. Put your shoulder down. Head up. Ear to the side. Grab onto the top of the machine. Now step toward me. Take a deep breath and hold it.

Of course I didn’t get drunk, but wouldn’t it be so much easier to contort your body if you were completely relaxed?  So I made the official suggestion that they offer margaritas (plus pedicures in the future too!).

After making it through the mammogram olympics I headed on over to the ultrasound table. After being slimed, propped up on one side with arm pointing in the air I decided to try something else.

I used a meditation technique: breathing.
Breathe in. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7
Hold. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7
Let it out. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

I repeated it over an over in my head as the tech slid all over my breast with her little computer mouse.

Breathe in. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
Hold. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7,8, 9, 10
Let it out. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7,8, 9, 10

It wasn’t as great as a margarita. And it didn’t make me loopy or otherwise black out. But it did help.

The good news is that the lump doesn’t register on the mammogram. But there was a spot of calcifications that will have a further look and biopsy.

The best part is, I made it through.
And, that is peak performance if you ask me.

Cheers. Clink! Clink!

More tomorrow.
Lovemore {fearless}
Jamie

{you can do anything}
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