Archive | July, 2014

Jamie’s BLOG – DAY 212 :: out!

31 Jul

One amazing, wonderful, beautiful, thing happened today. My drains came out. My. Drains. Came. Out.

I’m a free woman. Ahhhhh. My drains came out.

More tomorrow.
Lovemore,
Jamie

 

{what beautiful thing happened today?}

Jamie’s BLOG – DAY 211 :: a reason to cry

30 Jul

I’m a little fragile these days. Emotionally speaking. Which pretty much boils down to this: I cry at everything that is beautiful. Or sad. Or happy.

I’ve inherited the cry gene. Or, it is now just full-on expressing itself. Which makes sense since my body has been through much. While I have used every tool of the trade and every trick in the book to stay emotionally sound and focused on a healthy recovery, I still cry. While I don’t cry at everything, I do cry at that which touches my soul. It’s like my own personal power can’t win out over the power of beauty. I can’t stop the flood of tears that beauty commands.

And maybe that is because I am staying emotionally focused. Which makes me more sensitive. With every stitch of pain I am reminded that I am alive. And that is overwhelming beautiful at times.

So when Justin shared this video with me, I lost it. I sobbed. I felt like I could watch the tears run down my own face.

So I’m sharing it with you.
I dare you not to tear up, even just a little bit.

After-all, you are a-live. And that’s pretty beautiful.

More tomorrow.
Lovemore,
Jamie

 

{what makes you cry?}

Jamie’s BLOG – DAY 210 :: beautiful friends

29 Jul

A few days before my surgery this card practically fell out of my diary.

It’s from my friend Laura, who has always been the world’s best giver of cards. ALWAYS. Since the first day I met her. Actually before I met her. I think she sent me a card before we even met in our college dorm, just to reach out and say hello before college officially started.

I have tried to keep the cards over the years, but they have ended up in places I can’t remember, scrapbooks, drawers, this one was in a diary.

But I love to think it fell into my hands at exactly the right time.  A little reminder that we get by with a little help from our friends.

Which I am, as I settle back into a real routine – albeit with two robot boobs and drains poking out of my chest. Just a few more days and all will be back to normal.

But I appreciate all the cards and notes and texts and emails and photos… every single one is a little reminder that I have friends helping me get through.

And I think that’s pretty beautiful.

More tomorrow.
Lovemore,
Jamie

 

{thank you for being a friend}

Jamie’s BLOG – DAY 209 :: birthday detour down the coast

28 Jul

We took a detour today, down the Oregon Coast on our way home. It was Mama Sling’s birthday, so it seemed appropriate. She loved the Oregon Coast more than anything.

As the drive and the day wore on we were forced to stop for gas. The old gas station that we remembered was closed and we weren’t sure we were going to make it to the next town. So Justin decided to pull off at the next possible point.

It turned out the next possible point was the Sea Lions Caves. Mama Sling LOVED the Sea Lion Caves. I can still remember her giggling at the creatures. I can still remember her walking that long staircase down the hillside.

I turned to Justin after we nabbed some gas from the friendly staff and said, “Mama Sling has to be with us today, she loved this place.”

Finally, we pulled off in Florence for a real gas up. Once there I lovingly turned to Justin and said, “Let’s get a mocha for old time’s sake.”

You see, the first time I visited Justin it was in Florence and it was in the height of my three-a-day mocha addiction. For the last three hour we had already passed all the places on the coast where we spent our little reconnection honeymoon: Depot Bay, Cape Perpetua, Haceta Head Lighthouse.

It seemed only natural that we should stop for a mocha in Florence.

As soon as we pulled up to the Dutch Bros. coffee house my ears perked up. Justin turned me with a smile and said, “Do you hear that?”

I nodded my head in disbelief. It was the song. THE SONG. The one and only song that reminds me of my mom. It was popular after her funeral and it’s hardly ever on the radio anymore. But it still makes me cry.

“I do hear it,” I nodded to Justin with a huge smile on my face hearing every single word of the Vanessa Carlton song in the background.

Making my way downtown
Walking fast
Faces pass
And I’m home bound

Staring blankly ahead
Just making my way
Making a way
Through the crowd

And I need you
And I miss you
And now I wonder….

If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass me by
‘Cause you know I’d walk
A thousand miles
If I could 
Just see you
Tonight

It’s always times like these
When I think of you
And I wonder
If you ever 
Think of me

As we pulled away from the coffee stand I realized that I really don’t wonder any more about these coincidences. Because they are not. They are real.

I lifted my mocha up in the air and said one last, “Happy Birthday Mama Sling!” before we got on the road.

Happy. Birthday. Indeed.

More tomorrow.
Lovemore,
Jamie

 

{happy birthday mama sling}

Jamie’s BLOG – DAY 208 :: happy birthday

27 Jul

I’ve been thinking a lot about birthdays – and newness. Partly because this surgery journey is winding down, partly because of the book I’m reading, and mostly because of my mamas.

Tomorrow is my mother’s birthday. Off the top of my head I have no idea how old she would be, and honestly, I don’t want to figure it out. She is timeless in my heart. A few wrinkles sure. But an angelic face and beaming smile will always be my memory of my Mama Sling. Forever youthful. Forever my loving, doting, silly and serious mother.

Today is Jaynane’s birthday. My other mama. She was Mama Sling’s bestie and they shared more than laughs, golf outings, recipes, and good times. They shared so much life together, including their teenage children’s love for each other.

Mama Sling left me to this world a long time ago. And, sometimes, I wonder if she was able to move on because she knew Jaynane would be there to pick up right where she left off. And she has. Which makes me feel so lucky and loved.

I think birthdays are good reminders of life, where we’ve been and what’s next to come. A moment to pause, if you will, to enjoy some simple beauty, whether it’s a big party or a little card. It is a time to celebrate.

Happy Birthday Jaynane. Happy Birthday Mama Sling.
As I celebrate my mamas, I also celebrate my new “girls” my new implants, my new lease on life. Let the party begin.

More tomorrow.
Lovemore,
Jamie

 

{what can you celebrate?}

Jamie’s BLOG – DAY 207 :: on the other side

26 Jul

It’s hard to believe I had surgery yesterday. It feels like a week ago already. I’m still hooked up to drains and popping pain pills every two hours, but in general, this has been the easiest one so far.

(I even went out to dinner tonight!)

Despite it all I feel so blessed and lucky. And loved.

I had a surprise visit from Thelma and Louise, a.k.a., Jaynane and Nancy. Phone calls and notes from friends. And of course Justin hasn’t left my side. But it’s the kind of attention I would happily give up, as I’m feeling down right done with this surgery journey.

But for right now, it’s good to feel loved and cared for and supported. More than anything I am so happy to be on the other side.

Thank you for being here with me. I am thankful and grateful and ready to get the show on the road.

After recovery of course.

More tomorrow.
Lovemore,
Jamie

 

{what are you thankful for?}

Jamie’s BLOG – DAY 206 :: the wonderful wizard of tatas

25 Jul

I woke with a song going through my head. “I’m off to see the wizard!”

And I am off. Off to see the surgeon! See you here tomorrow.

I’m off to see the wizard
The wonderful wizard of TaTa’s!
Because, because, because, because, because…
Because of the wonderful things that she does!

More tomorrow.
Lovemore,
Jamie

{where are you off to today?}

Jamie’s BLOG – DAY 205 :: beautiful purpose

24 Jul

Three surgeries in eleven months. My own personal record but not the kind of peak performance I intended when I started out this year.

At my last appointment I actually asked my surgeon if I could get this third surgery for free, you know, like a BOGO or a preferred VIP bonus. She laughed. I was serious.

Tonight, I’m contemplating what it will feel like to have soft breasts again in place of these hard plastic dog toys sitting on my chest. I actually don’t remember what my standard issued breasts felt like, you know, before surgery. I’m sure they were beautiful in their own small-chested perky way. The funny thing is that I lived with them for 40 years and yet I can’t remember them at all. Well, okay, maybe it was more like 27 years but who’s counting?

If there’s one thing this process has taught me it’s to appreciate simple beauty – the simple beauty of a flat chest, or a hard plastic one, and soon, the soft silicone kind.

They have all had their own beautiful purpose. It’s just that, sometimes, you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.

And that makes me think that maybe the most critical part of peak performance is recognizing where you’ve been and appreciating where you are, so you can fast forward to where you are supposed to go next.

Next up for me: new tatas!

Enjoy simple beauty pause right now.

More tomorrow.
Lovemore,
Jamie

 

{what’s new for you?}

Jamie’s BLOG – DAY 204 :: bloom on

23 Jul

One day bloom….

This little flower bloomed today. It will be gone tomorrow.
Sigh.
Wow.
Beauty.

More tomorrow.
Lovemore,
Jamie

 

{what beauty did you spot today?}

Jamie’s BLOG – DAY 203 :: be fearless

22 Jul

I received this note today from a friend.

He wrote: “I found your candy wrapper”…

At first I thought it was some sort of spam email. Or game request from Facebook. But then I opened it and saw this:

And I had to smile. Thanks for the sweet reminder. Surgery in three days. But this is a lifetime commitment.

More tomorrow.
Lovemore,
Jamie

 

{how are you fearless?}
%d bloggers like this: