JAMIE’S BLOG – DAY 339 :: spanx, no thanks

8 Dec

Back in the saddle again. Which means I’m home from traveling… which means I arrived at around 1:30AM.

I arrived home to two brown shipping boxes that I opened today. Both were orders online, meant to be received before my business trip so I could pack the items in my suitcase. Both arrived late. So while I travelled around the country they sat in boxes. That’s okay, really. I opened them today and pulled out my first Spanx bra. (I had a coupon from Miss Oprah’s event and decided to use it, spanx you!)

I don’t know why this is a surprise, but the Spanx bra is tight. Like really tight. Like so tight it gave me a headache. It took me two hours to figure out why my brain was pounding and pulsating, as if the bra was cutting off circulation from my back, up my shoulders and all the way into my cranium.

It hurt. Did I say it hurt?

I thought it was the fact that I arrived home at 1:30AM. I thought it was some sort of travel hangover. Or dehydration. Like how my ankles swell causing my shoes to shrink at 30,000 feet. Could my new boobs cause circulation to stop flowing to the friendly skies too?

No. It was the bra. I know this because of my haphazard experiment. I took the bra off. I released the hounds. I let the girls free. My headache went away.

Why is this news? Well…. I’ve never understood the act of taking off a bra and exhaling with delight as soon as the clasps are loose. I’ve never had much to contain, or to hold together in my over-the-shoulder-boulder holder. I’ve never had that problem or that relief.

Until now.

And, now, I know that Spanx, while fabulous for tucking in my tummy and sucking in my thigh jello, is downright suffocating for my breasts. It could be that I ordered the wrong size. It could be that the straps are not adjustable and I can’t quite get it to fit. It could be that silicone expands at 30,000 feet.

I don’t know.
All I know is that a tight bra hurts. Which is not good for peak performance.

More tomorrow.

 {what will you try again tomorrow?}

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