JAMIE’S BLOG – YEAR 9 – DAY 239 :: trusting it all

27 Aug


Tonight I am reflecting on what it takes to trust and learn.

And that brings me to Laughter. I am laughing a little on the inside, at the realization that the joke has been on me. This year of Trust has given me many twists and turns and you know what the pattern keeps coming back to? Trusting myself. 

They say when the student is ready the teacher appears. And, now, my dearest teacher is in hospice. There is irony in this situation, being that this is the year that I am learning to trust and it appears it will also be the year when she is learning to leave. The two may intersect and while it wouldn’t surprise me, still I am shocked. 

She is the one who taught me to trust it all to matter. She taught me to trust the moments of confusion, and the moments of clarity, for each, have a valuable lesson to bring forward. She taught me that it all matters… and I mean ALL. 

When a spider would show up on my window she would ask me to trust it (not to kill it). When a flower bloomed she taught me to honor it. When an animal appeared she taught me to thank it. She was trained in Native American ways and in her teachings she taught me that everything mattered. Everything had a message. Everything had a purpose. 

So with that, I am left with this: the student has become the teacher. Through her lesson plan, I have ultimately been taught to trust myself. Silly me, not realizing that this was her plan all along. 

Now, as she prepares to leave I also know that she will never be gone. This is, in a way, the final test and possibly my graduation. And since I know that everything matters, I know that she will choose the perfect moment to leave and the perfect moment to remind me that lessons and love live on. 

They always do.
Trust me.

More tomorrow.


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