There are 9 days until Christmas.
This weekend I have found myself reflecting on peace.
Tonight, I wish for comfort.
And I am meditating on the phrase: comfort and joy
God rest ye merry, gentlemen Let nothing you dismay Remember, Christ, our Saviour Was born on Christmas day To save us all from Satan’s power When we were gone astray O tidings of comfort and joy, Comfort and joy O tidings of comfort and joy
“Fear not then,” said the Angel, “Let nothing you affright, This day is born a Saviour Of a pure Virgin bright, To free all those who trust in Him From Satan’s power and might.” O tidings of comfort and joy, Comfort and joy O tidings of comfort and joy
Now to the Lord sing praises, All you within this place, And with true love and brotherhood Each other now embrace; This holy tide of Christmas All other doth deface. O tidings of comfort and joy, Comfort and joy O tidings of comfort and joy
As you know, I entered this year determined to be fearless. But, I don’t want more fear or less in my life. I want more love. So I made up a new word, lovemore! That’s why Lovemore Mondays are here.
Today’s Lovemore Monday is a song about home.
As in, we don’t have one yet.
Which is probably why this song brought me to a heaving, gasping, mess of tears the first time I heard it months ago while driving in my car.
Hold on, to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
I couldn’t figure out who sang it. I caught the song on the radio and the DJ never again announced who the artist was that sang this melody that cut straight to my heart.
And although this wave is stringing us along
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home
Once I finally found out the name of the American Idol who sang the song that whispered to me through the radio one night, I could never remember if his name was actually Stephen Stevens or Phillip Phillips.
Settle down, it’ll all be clear
Don’t pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
That’s really only because my step-brother’s name is Phillip Stephensand somehow it got lodged into my brain that they shared the same name — except I can never remember which one.
Is he a double Stephen or a double Phillip?
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found
Which is why on our long drive from Florida back to Massachusetts last week, as we battled broken radiators, fuel gauges and a traumatic tire, I squealed with delight when the song found me again on the road.
“I love this song!” I said as I turned up the radio.
“Who sings it?” Justin said.
“Steven Stephens,” I said with total confidence. Then the radio DJ came on and scolded me. It was Phillip Phillips — of course.
It didn’t matter who sang it in the moment, I just recognized the song when I heard it.
And I suppose that’s what makes “home” so special. No matter what you call it or where it is, you always know it when you see it, feel it, taste it or smell it.
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home
Even though we haven’t yet found our “forever home” I know “home” is really something that can’t be placed or seen. It’s already there.
It’s lodged somewhere between the memories we make on Christmas morning, the sleepy silence at breakfast on Monday mornings, the giggles after a fight, the wiping away of tears, the pep talks after a lost game, the phone that rings too late at night or too early in the morning.
It’s found in the space between every day and never before.
A place that resides deep inside our hearts.
And that’s why, on this Lovemore Monday… I. Love. It.
And …here’s that song I love too (sung by Phillip Phillips in case you didn’t remember!):
As you know, I entered this year determined to be fearless. But, I don’t want more fear or less in my life. I want more love. So I made up a new word, lovemore! That’s why Lovemore Mondays are here.
Today’s Lovemore Monday is a love story called We’ve Only Just Begun.
As in, moving.
It has nothing to do with Cyber Monday.
Today has been more like Manic Monday, because:
The storage unit is now empty.
The car is full.
We are packed.
Even though we have yet to pull the car onto the highway and head north, I feel like our journey is already underway.
Most important:
I feel like Justin and I are closer and more connected from this trip than ever before.
And I have known this man since I was seventeen!
But never before have I been more impressed with his ability to:
deal with uncertainty
pack a car “Tetris Style”
deal with my constant stream of questions
be unwaveringly flexible in the midst of a small, mini car crisis
problem solve through our small, mini crisis
choose really great music for this long, long drive
make me laugh and giggle all along the way
And we’re only half way there, the driving starts tomorrow.
We’ve only just begun.
I guess I like thinking about our relationship in those terms too.
Sure, he’s seen me through some of my biggest fears:
surviving cancer
surviving a divorce
too many cross country trips to name
swimming with sharks
rafting the Grand Canyon
moving
But he’s seen me through some of my best times too:
surviving cancer
surviving a divorce
too many cross country trips to name
swimming with sharks
rafting the Grand Canyon
moving
We’ve done it all together.
And it still feels like we’ve only just begun.
And that’s why, on this Lovemore Monday…. I. Love. It.
Tonight while I was sitting upstairs typing away on my computer Justin screamed from downstairs.
“Jamie, come here!”
“What?” I asked somewhat annoyed because I didn’t’ want to move or be distracted.
“Come quick!!!”
I had a flash of terror knowing Justin never yells for me in a panic. “Oh, my God are you okay??” I jumped up screaming as I tore down the stairs to see what was a matter.
He stood in front of the bathroom pointing to the wall. “There’s a spider.”
“What?” I laughed and pouted at the same time. “But, you’re not afraid of spiders!”
“I know.” He said and smiled. “But that’s what you sound like.”
I was offended and defended myself. “I haven’t screamed about a spider in MONTHS.” Months, I tell you.
And, I haven’t.
In my Lovemore+Fearless year I have embraced the arachnids of the world. Well, not really. I have actually just stopped screaming and running into other rooms. But that is HUGE progress. HUGE.
Today I even encountered a roach at my feet.
That’s right, a full fledged, living, breathing, crawling on all fours (or sixes? I don’t know how many legs they have…) right before my very eyes roach.
I didn’t scream or run.
Promise.
It’s amazing what can happen in a year.
I highly recommend it.
So do all the spiders whose lives have been spared.
And that brings us to THANKSGIVING….
Because when you look up the word SPARED it says:
spared past participle, past tense of spare (Verb)
Verb:
Give (something of which one has enough) to (someone); afford to give to: “she asked if I could spare her a dollar or two”.
Make free or available.
That’s right — to give instead of to take.
I never thought of my arachnophobia as “taking” something away, but now I see it that way.
I have taken time away from my life, and Justin’s life every time I screamed bloody murder in the face of a spider.
I have taken many spider lives away too.
But I like looking at it this way, from a GIVING point of view:
What else could I GIVE all that energy of screaming and crying and yelling out in the name of a spider?
How could I use that energy to fuel my life forward instead of freezing it in terror?
I have begun to see the light on this issue. All because I made a promise to face my fears.
So Happy Thanksgiving and thank you dear spiders. You have taught me a valuable lesson. I promise to continue to be more giving (and thankful) and not run away.
As you know, I entered this year determined to be fearless. But, I don’t want more fear or less in my life. I want more love. So I made up a new word, lovemore! That’s why Lovemore Mondays are here.
Today’s Lovemore Monday is a photo I took on the train….
of my new glasses!
I chose them specifically because they say one four letter word on the inside:
You guessed it… LOVE.
I can see clearly now that the scratch in my right lens is gone — and I love the idea that I’m literally looking out of love-colored glasses.
They even have hearts on the front!
Okay, maybe it’s silly and childish to be a grown woman walking around with hearts on her glasses.
But, that’s why, on this Lovemore Monday…
I. Love. It.
As you know, I entered this year determined to be fearless. But, I don’t want more fear or less in my life. I want more love. So I made up a new word, lovemore! That’s why Lovemore Mondays are here.
Today’s Lovemore Monday is a letter.
In fact, this is an open letter to the young woman sitting next to me at Starbucks tonight.
Dear beautiful, young woman:
I want you to know this:
You are more than the captain of your soccer team,
student government leader,
academic all star…
“Do you want to be a big fish in small pond or a small fish in a big pond?”
I cringed when the man interviewing you for college asked you this question — and so many other questions that just don’t seem to matter in life.
Like….
“How will you differentiate yourself?”
Please.
I wanted to grab a hard-backed Starbucks chair, run over to your table and plop down right next to you.
To his silly, antiquated questions, I wanted to sing:
What do you totally, absolutely love?
What do you love to do in your spare time?
What flips you out?
What makes you cringe?
What humongous, crazy, totally outlandish, big, fat, wild dream do you have for yourself?
What makes you, YOU?
What will you never, ever, give up because you love it so much?
What makes you want to dance? sing? run? laugh until your sides hurt?
No matter where you go to college, no matter what school or club you go to, get kicked out of or never fit into…
You have YOU.
And that, my dear, is the most precious gift of all.
Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Oh, yeah… and one more thing:
No matter what college accepts you — follow your heart.
It’s stormy around here.
So much so I am writing my post now, in case the power goes out.
The wind and rain are driving into the house and the windows.
The waves are crashing all around us.
It’s amazing how bright and blue the sky can be one day…
How dark and dreary the next.
It doesn’t help that I totally screwed up my schedule today and missed seeing a friend by an hour and a half. I have no idea how a 10am turned into an 11:30 on my calendar.
But it completely messed up my day.
It reminds me of two very important things:
1. We all make mistakes.
2. It sucks to make mistakes.
Oh yeah and one more thing…
I really hate it when I make mistakes.
And why is the hardest part (possibly the fearless part) not being so hard on myself?
Hi, I’m Jamie. This blog started on January 1, 2011. …because I made a promise to myself.
I did not purchase clothes or shoes or other frivolous things (things I love mind you) for an entire year and wrote about it every single day. For 365 Days. Then I went on to make promises and blog every single day for 9 years (yes, that’s right). Want to read more? The adventure begins below…
Year 2: Lovemore+Fearless
2012 sent me rafting down the Colorado River in the Grand Canyon where I slept next to scorpions. I tossed my old engagement ring in a fountain in Paris, and swam with sharks in the Bahamas. In the end, I learned more about LOVE than fear.
Year 3: Abundance
My promise in year 3 was to dive deep into abundance, which included a promise to give away a gift a day. Ironically, there was something else in store for me as I found myself moving across the country, having surgery, and giving away my thyroid. It all started a little Card Crusade and my biggest lesson yet was to come in the form of a doozy: health is our greatest wealth. Abundance indeed.
Year 4: Peak Performance
Surprise! 2014 sent me back to the surgical routine. Getting a surprise diagnosis, mastectomy and reconstructive surgery all in one swoop. Overall, it probably saved my life. Ironically, I ended up with two NIKE swooshes in the form of scars across my chest. The sign of Peak Performance?
Year 5: BLISS!
It’s all about that bliss, ’bout that bliss, no trouble. This year was all about FOLLOWING OUR BLISS. And follow it we did…. all the way to Bellingham, WA! Who would have thought?
Year 6: Yoga for a Year
Yoga every single day. I did it. Really, I did it! Not every single day was amazing but I downward dogged it on planes, trains, across the “plains” crisscrossing this country. What did I learn? To be kinder to myself. And this: just showing up creates miracles (for me that’s Crow!). In the unprecedented events of 2016, I also learned our world needs a whole heaping dose of kindness.
Year 7: Intentional Acts of Kindness
This year’s promise was all about kindness – the intentional kind. We ended up getting married in a surprise pop up ceremony in Estes Park, Colorado. Could there be anything more kind?
Year 8: JOY
When I made a promise for “joy” I found a new job, new city and new adventure on the east coast. We said goodbye to our #1 Pup, who lived for 17 joyful years. I never know what will happen, but I do report back here every day.
Year 9: Trust
The year I learned to trust the adventure was complete, and celebrated the grand finale of thepromise365 as a daily blog. Then COVID-19 hit.
Year 10: Connections
Hear we go again! In this post-Covid world there is something to say about making connections.
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