Tag Archives: dcis

Jamie’s BLOG – DAY 199 :: unveiling my new….

18 Jul

I have the privilege of working/dreaming/creating/marketing/building really cool things with amazing women. I like to think of it as Marketing From The Heart.

And today I was THRILLED to receive a little love in the mail from some women who are doing just that — creating from the heart by making yoga clothing the fits real women.

Here’s one of my new Ena Yoga Apparel outfits!

It was really hard to capture this selfie and get the Eva Tank Top and Maya bootie shorts all in one pic. But I did it, just to show that real women with real curves can wear yoga clothes too.

That’s right! I have real curves now — new “tatas” are on the way. One week and counting to my surgery/implant exchange which will officially cap off the mastectomy/reconstructive process. And while the girls don’t “look” that big in this photo, believe me, they are bigger than they have ever been.

They also feel hard as plastic right now. It’s the expanders. They are FULL and filled with saline, and thank goodness because they have created the space needed for the new implants.

But they are hard. So hard I woke up in a sleepy half dreaming/half awake state this week and felt a plastic dog toy in my bed. As I cupped my hand around the dog toy I thought, “How did this get into my bed?”

Then I woke up and realized it was my breast — or the expander currently playing the role of my left tata.

We had a good laugh over it — and thank goodness there is no squeaky toy included in this process.

But it has been an interesting process, this DCIS diagnosis. There’s so much I have learned. For one — I now must order a size up! (Thus, my new Ena Yoga Apparel clothing.) For someone who has been a flat chested athlete most of her life, this is a new world.

But, for someone who has also been a breast cancer advocate for most of her adulthood (God Bless you Mama Sling!) I am learning something else.

I don’t want to fight. I don’t want to be a warrior. I don’t want to run from or against anything.

Instead, I choose to soak in Beauty and Love.

If you’ve been around her for a while you know my new mantra – Enjoy Simple Beauty, Pause Right Now.

It’s a both a reminder and a mantra. A way to make sense of the amazing accomplishments that come with peak performance as well as the surprises, or twists and turns that knock on the door in the middle of the night, and the things that happen while you are out making other plans (or in the middle of a fertility appointment where your doctor announces you have a lump in your breast).

So on this Friday Night I announce I am giving up the fight. Instead I embrace beauty and love because life is beautiful. We should live while we are alive, we should love while our hearts beat.

And while we are alive we should work/dream/create/market/build/share/do really cool things with amazing people that bring out our best strengths, celebrate our talents and inspire others to do the same.

(That might be worth a pause!)

E.S.B.P.R.N.

More tomorrow.
Lovemore,
Jamie

{what strength can you celebrate?}

2014 BLOG – DAY 81 :: isn’t it ironic and radically sweet?

22 Mar

The other day I found this hanging on a wall and I had to laugh. I mean, how did I not know this?

Stressed spelled backwards is desserts!

Isn’t that ironic. Don’t you think? I do.

I also find it incredibly ironic that on the day I was given my diagnosis of DCIS a book review from Dr. Lissa Rankin popped into my email inbox.

The book?
Radical Remission.

So of course I ignored it. Too much for me to process all in one day. But today, I woke up and remembered the book title. I also signed up for Dr. Lissa Rankin’s 40 Day Health Challenge. This could mean that I am getting closer to “acceptance” and have moved through the sadness. I still want to go hit something really hard and relieve some of this anger brewing inside of me.

It comes out in mysterious ways. For instance, I am so MAD at the medical industry for making us women stick our boobs into a flattening machine, a.k.a. mammography. Isn’t there a better way?

I am so ANGRY that the local hospital gave me a death pamphlet of every single way I could possibly die (vegetable state, infection, etc.) when I checked in for a simple breast biopsy. “We just need this on file sometime. You don’t have to do it today.” Really? Then don’t give it to me today. The nerve!

I am so PISSED the nurse left me in the dressing room when the procedure was done. I had to walk myself out. Which meant I had to navigate the long hallway past the billing department and smile at the woman who handed me the death pamphlet. No goodbyes. No handshakes. Just a throbbing breast with an ice pack stuck in my bra.

But, really, the REAL reason is this:
I am so F*ing FED UP with feeling like my mother handed me a genetic bomb waiting to go off in my beautiful breast tissues when she died.

I’m working through this anger stage and getting much closer to acceptance. Tomorrow I plan to go hit the hell out of the weeds in the garden. They have to go anyway and this anger inside of me needs a final resting place.

Because I have come to the conclusion that this health thing is going to follow me around until I get to the root of it. Until I uncover the point, the lesson, the reason behind it all and how to fix it, something will keep rearing its ugly head.

Sounds a lot like head, heart, body, soul work doesn’t it? Sounds eerily familiar to Year 1 of The Promise 365.

And that’s because it is.
The first chapter of Radical Remission? Food. And the link between sugar and cancer. Maybe it’s not ironic that STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS?

There are nine total key areas for Radical Remission:

  • Radically changing your diet
  • Taking control of your health
  • Following your intuition
  • Using herbs and supplements
  • Releasing suppressed emotions
  • Increasing positive emotions
  • Embracing social support
  • Deepening your spiritual connection
  • Having strong reasons for living

There has to be a link here somewhere. I will of course see my doctors and plan surgery, but something has to change in this equation. And I have a sneaking suspicion that it’s me. Maybe that is the key to peak performance too?
It’s like deja vu.
But this time I have a much bigger reason to pay attention.

More tomorrow.
Lovemore,
Jamie

{do you have unreleased emotions?}

2014 BLOG – DAY 77 :: being honesty honest

18 Mar

I’ve been accused of being too open and honest on this blog. Sharing. Too. Much.

I can understand the sentiment. (I actually don’t share everything. I know some of you are shaking your heads with that statement). But I do share what feels important or significant each night.

Sometimes it’s important information and techniques, and sometimes just trivia for fun, or laughs, or lightness. Other times, it is deep thoughts that I shake off with words. Tonight, it’s my biopsy results.

The tests are back. The cells are ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS). It even has an acronym.

My doctor cautioned me NOT to google it (I did anyway). She told me not to research it online and underscored the fact that it was not cancerous, it is the stage before cancer.

It’s HONESTLY not what I wanted to hear. It’s HONESTLY not what I had planned for myself in this year of peak performance. But, it is what it is and now we move forward with surgery.

Another surgery.
I am left with more questions than answers.
And irony. I am left with a big, whopping serving of irony.

How can it be that I am back in this place again? How can it be that in the same breath my doctor is talking about my fertility and Justin’s semen sample (which was good by the way) and how we are going to get pregnant. Then, in another breath, we are discussing surgery for something with an acronym that has taken up residence in my breast? Boobs, semen, baby, ovulation calculators and surgery?

It’s like a really bad mid-life crisis movie called “This Is 40.” Oh, wait, they already made that movie. So my version will have to be called: “This Is Not Fair.”

And that’s the HONEST fact. It is, ironically, not fair. Almost comically unbelievable.

So onward we go! It could be SO much worse. It could be so much more difficult, in so many ways, that I know is true.

So, maybe, the lesson of this year will be about how to find peak performance with what is. With the cards dealt. With the boobs we’ve already got?

Honestly, I’m glad you’re here with me as we find out. Because if there is one thing I know everyone needs for peak performance it is love and support.

And, I hope to return the favor any which way I possibly can (and will!).

More tomorrow.
Lovemore,
Jamie

{thanks for being here}
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