Tag Archives: fear

JAMIE’S BLOG – YEAR 9 – DAY 300 :: happy halloween

31 Oct


Happy Halloween! This night has me thinking about all the things that scare me, or have scared me. Like spiders, horror movies, hospitals… the list goes on. What a privilege it is with age, to learn that there is nothing to be afraid of… including ghosts. 

Happy Halloween! 

Trust me!
More tomorrow.


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JAMIE’S BLOG – YEAR 9 – DAY 42 :: trust removes fear

11 Feb


I had a moment today, of sheer clarity. Trust removes fear. When we live from a place of trust there is no room for fear.

It seems so simple… could it be that easy? 

I’m trusting that I will find out!
More tomorrow. 



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JAMIE’S BLOG – YEAR 8 – DAY 68 :: letting light in

11 Mar
{daylight savings}

Ah, sun! Welcome back to our world. It felt so good to see you today. So good, in fact, we spent the afternoon outside — in shorts! Golfing.

Well, Justin was in shorts, at least. I was still in a jacket and yoga pants, but you know, same difference. Feeling the sun on my face felt so good – like an old friend, really.

…and that had me thinking about love and joy … and letting it soak in just like the sunshine. 

SO… here’s to longer days and more sunshine. What will you do with your extra sunshine?

More tomorrow…



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JAMIE’S BLOG – YEAR 6 – YOGA DAY 249 :: saving a spider

12 Sep

Day 249: Hero.

Today I saved a spider. A little, itty, bitty spider hiding out in my bathroom. This is only significant because the OLD ME would have flushed him down the toilet. Or stomped on his head. Or crushed him against the wall with my gargantuan size ten shoe.

The NEW ME took out my “spider jar” (a salvaged glass pickle jar) and gently coaxed him into it, telling him stories of how wonderful it would be to live outside. And then I released him (or Her …because maybe it was a girl? or a Mama?) to the wind. Or, rather, the bark at the base of the bushes.

And, how does that make me feel?

Like a hero. A superstar. A woman who has conquered her fears (relatively enough to talk to a spider) and let it go free. And maybe that’s one tiny step for me but it could be one giant step for mankind? And you know what… it feels good to be a hero, even if only to one little spider.

Namaste mother spider. Namaste.

More tomorrow.

{being gentle}

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JAMIE’S BLOG – YEAR 6 – YOGA DAY 27 :: hip, hip hooray

27 Jan

Day 27. Fearless.

Tonight I learned something. We store our fear in our pelvic area, hip, hip hooray! Actually I did a gentle hip-opening. And I followed along with pigeons and frogs and whelp! a few painful moments. Or rather a flashback to my childhood “I can do the splits” moments.

(Side note: Do all children do the splits… they must, right? And who teaches us to do the splits in the first place? No real life adult I ever met in childhood could do them…although maybe now with yoga…)

Anyhoo, it has me thinking about love and fear and all that must be stored down there. Which brings me to this video on: Labels.

Maybe a hip opening is really a mind opening?
The hip bone’s connected to the brain bone…

More tomorrow.


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2014 BLOG – DAY 61 :: how not to give up …or (holy) blessed socks

2 Mar

It was a year ago that I gave up.

It was February 2013 when my thyroid reared it’s bumpy head. As soon as the shock wore off I gave up. I stopped working on key projects I had on my plate and I stopped writing the manuscript I had been working on.

I just didn’t have it in me to continue. Not while I was in “the waiting place” trying to figure out which foot to put forward. Actually, I was trying to figure out which direction was forward.

As we know, everything turned out fine. Surgery, results, all benign! Whew! And that’s when I began writing again.

Ironically, just as February closed out last week, just a year later, another bump made itself known inside my body. Consequently, I again stopped my morning ritual of writing.

But this weekend I woke up with an epiphany.

Coined by Stephen Pressfield, the concept applies to all creators:
“Resistance is experienced as fear; the degree of fear equates to the strength of Resistance. Therefore the more fear we feel about a specific enterprise, the more certain we can be that that enterprise is important to us and to the growth of our soul. That’s why we feel so much Resistance. If it meant nothing to us, there’d be no Resistance.”

― Steven PressfieldThe War of Art: Break Through the Blocks & Win Your Inner Creative Battles

Is it ironic that I have run into two bumps in the road in the month of February? One year apart? Right in the middle of my best writing streak ever?

Is it resistance?
Maybe. Maybe not.

One thing is for sure. This time, I am not giving up. No matter the outcome or diagnosis, I am pushing through. I am writing. I will finish the manuscript. I will continue with my schedule. I will continue go to the gym. I won’t break my stride.

So today I returned to the gym and my peak performance schedule. As I undressed to take a shower I looked down at my toes.

Right there, before me, was a holy blessing:

(holy sock compliments of Brady)

And it confirmed exactly what was going through my mind:

Ain’t nothin’ gonna to break my stride
Nobody’s gonna slow me down, oh-no
I got to keep on movin’

More tomorrow.
Lovemore {fearless}

{how do you keep moving?}

2014 BLOG – DAY 56 :: return of the creepy crawlies

25 Feb

The phantom spider is gone. 

I spotted it in the kitchen today at high noon. Just as Justin walked into the kitchen I looked up and pointed.

“See!!” I was ecstatic. “There it is. The spider!”

I felt like I had won a game of hide and seek. Actually, I felt sane. Like I hadn’t been imagining a huge, black spider that only crawled on the kitchen walls just for me.

“Ah, do you want to play with it?” Justin asked as he reached up to grab it.

“No!” I screamed.

“I thought you liked spiders now.” Justin smiled as he whisked the spider off the wall and it fell into Brady’s dog crate. Now we had to try to find a black spider in a black metal dog crate.

Justin tipped the crate from side to side looking for the fuzzy, black thing. Brady ran around in circles, expecting something very exciting to happen. We had, after all, invaded his space.

Justin finally spotted the spider, clinging to one of the metal bars of the crate and scooped it up in a napkin. He then walked outside and release the poor little spider (Did I say little? It was huge).

If you’re keeping score, here’s the standings:
Spider = 1
Jamie = 0
Brady = best. day. ever.
Justin = my hero.

As for peak performance?
None for me today.

More tomorrow.
Lovemore {fearless}

{what’s haunting you?}

BLOG – GIFT DAY 292 :: an abundance of scary spiders

19 Oct

In keeping with my promise to seek abundance, here’s my Abundance Photo of the Day… a scary-big spider.

We live in Spider Town USA.  At least it seems that way.

There is nothing short of an abundance of spiders here in Southern Oregon.  Even the big cat spider that lives outside our bedroom window, is still weaving her web, repairing it daily.

Not too long ago I would have killed them all. Stomped them with my shoe.  Squished them with a napkin.  Brushed them away with a broom.  All dead.

But now that rarely happens. I must admit, I still do kill spiders. Like when I’m naked in the shower and see one creeping towards me.  I can’t help it, I’m vulnerable.

However most of the time I don’t.  I capture them in a glass jar that sits next to my desk.  I shuffle them out the door on a piece of paper.

The difference is slight really.
It’s just that now ….I try. 

I try to give those creepy crawly things the benefit of the doubt. I try to find another option (other than annihilating them from my base boards).  I try to think of a different outcome before I reactively grab the shoe off of my foot and raise it above my head.

Try. Try. Try.
And, really that can make all the difference.

If nothing else, it will save lives.
At least some creepy crawly ones.

More tomorrow.
Lovemore {fearless}

{what are you afraid of?}

GIFT DAY 094 30-day gratitude challenge: day 18 – lean in to courage

4 Apr

Day 18 over here….of the 30-Day Gratitude Challenge.

What are you grateful for today?

My new hobby is tracking my pH balance. Yesterday I was dark yellow. Today I am closer to green. Green is good! The pH has gone up past 7.0 according to my pH sticks which is more alkaline. And that’s good — the lemons in my water must be doing their job.

ph balance, jamie eslinger, thepromisedaily.com

Lovemore Fearless!
That’s my mantra. And today, well… I cried my eyes out with a lot of fear and then love and then fear and then some more love.

I showed up for my thyroid ultrasound early, after mustering up all the courage my bright smile could handle.

(Did I tell you I was once voted Most Likely To Be Happy In A Nuclear Holocaust? True story. I was in college. And, today, I felt so very not myself.)

While laying on the radiology table I sent consistent messages of love and joy to every fiber of my body. I joked around with the radiologist. We plotted a plan for the hospital to offer foot massages and salt scrubs…. and then…

I sat in the nurse’s chair to have my blood drawn. As soon as she pulled out the fist full of viles my stomach turned.

There were more than ten plastic viles sitting on the table below. Before the needle even appeared my eyes began watering.

“Are you okay?” The nurse asked me.
“I might pass out,” I tried to joke but I couldn’t stop the tears.
“Do you want to lay down?” She asked.
“It’s not physical,” I tried to explain. “It’s emotional.”

The procedure began. The needle poked. The nurse stopped.

“Are you holding your breath?” she asked me.
“Maybe?” I answered, not sure if I was still breathing.
“Don’t hold your breath, or you will pass out.” She smiled.

I sat there with streams running down my face, wondering, “Why am I crying.”
And that’s when the answer hit me. “I’m scared.”

That’s the funky, funny, not so ironic thing about f*Ing fear. It usually sneaks up from behind, catches you off-guard when you least expect it. In public no less. With a needle jammed up your arm and ten plastic viles being filled red.

So what did I do?
I let the tears fall. Facing my fear, in living color, crying out loud, on the spot.

And I prefer to call it courage.

So, today I am grateful for:

1) Making lemons into pH lemonade
2) Tears
3) Courage

What are you grateful for?

More tomorrow.
Lovemore (fearless),

{Your turn! Share what you’re grateful for in the comments section below. Courage.}

GIFT DAY 064: are you pushing my fear button?

5 Mar

Justin interrupted me today. 

Because he HAD to show me this video online. He PROMISED me, “it’s funny.”

The video is of a cat who jumps a foot in the air every time the Mario Brother’s video game makes a “boing” sound.

cat fear, getting over fear, jamie eslinger, thepromisedaily.com

The cat has no idea where the sound is coming from. The cat reacts instinctively by jumping up in the air and out of harm’s way.

The video is funny because you (the viewer) know what the sound is — and the cat doesn’t.

The video is funny because you have special insight, you know there is nothing to fear.

And that made me laugh.

Because really, we all have that power.

Fear is like a button on a video game.
It gets pushed when we can’t see in the dark. Or when we don’t understand what’s coming next, or when we walk on stage.

Or when we want something really, really, super, duper, extra-special bad that it gives us a tummy ache.

That’s easy to say.
The hard part is turning the fear button off when it gets pushed and makes your stomach go BOING!

But that’s where our power comes in. In the middle of the night, in the middle of the dark, when you find yourself in the middle of the stage, it’s time to push the LOVE button.

I know this from my year of swimming with sharks, rafting the Grand Canyon (sleeping next to scorpions!) and facing my biggest fears.

I know this because love and fear can’t co-exist. They don’t play together.
They are two totally separate, different, incompatible video games.

Question is… which one are you playing?

More tomorrow.
Lovemore (fearless),

{What do you love more than you fear? Share in the comments section below.}


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Because nothing is impossible.

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