Today continues the weekly series, F*ing Fridays, which will coincidentally occur on Friday. I mentioned some of my favorite F words back on Day 5, including: Fearless, Fabulous, Fine, Fun, Faith, Freedom, Forgiveness, to name a Few.
Last week I dove into the word Few.
Today’s F*ing Friday is dedicated to the words:
As in, freak out.
Today is officially Black Friday.
The biggest shopping day of the year. Sales galore.
Did I want to be in malls, shopping centers and in the middle of a mecca of consumer sales madness?
Because I have learned my lesson.
Mostly from this year of no shopping. I know I don’t need it, even on the biggest boon of the sales year, I know deep inside I’m not missing anything.
I used to freak out on Black Friday, and the Day After Christmas too. Waking early and rushing out into it all was my game. Mama Sling was my accomplice. Although, she was shopping for wrapping paper, bows and ribbons, and I was on the hunt for new shoes.
Even last year I joined my sister in a post Thanksgiving midnight madness jaunt through Walmart. It was so not worth it. I don’t think you could pay me for a repeat of it all.
Let me just put it this way — there were more police in the aisles of Walmart than on the snowy streets in my hometown. Never a good ratio. Not for rock concerts, picnics in the park, or even midnight sales at superstores.
Upon entering the store I picked up a Boise State Broncosfleece sweatshirt, and looked at the seam, you know, as a normal quality check inspection before deciding to purchase.I was just starting to think it could be a good gift for my little nephew, when out of nowhere a Walmart aisle cop told me to drop the merchandise.
“That is not to be touched until midnight.” she warned me with her beady eyes and official blue Walmart jacket.
I started to defend my actions, “But, I am just looking at it, beca…”
“No one touches the sales merchandise. Not until midnight.”
I left empty handed.
There are some things you only have to do once in a lifetime, and, well, let me just say midnight at Walmart is one of them.
So this year, I stayed home from all of it. Partly because of that terrible experience last year. Why bother with the freak show of it all? But, mostly because of The Promise 365. Why put myself in temptations grasp?
So I stayed inside to avoid it.
Enter Freaky Friday.
This morning I went about my day as usual. I had a few errands and arrived over at Debbie’s house in order to sign for a delivery while she is out of town.
As soon as I turned the key in the lock and opened the door a squirmy little creature with a long tail ran under the door and onto the tile …INSIDE the house.
It ran even faster and then around the corner into the blinds.
I screamed at it from across the room.
It didn’t listen.
So I rummaged through the closets until I could find a broom.
Just as I held the broom in my shaking hands, standing next to the blinds about to thwart the slimy intruder, I heard Justin’s voice in my head:
“You can’t kill things just because you are afraid of them.”
Damn. He’s right.
So I pleaded with the squirmy little thing and gently moved the broom in a sweeping motion as if trying to escort him to the door.
“Come on honey, go outside. You want to go outside. Just get out of the blinds and turn the corner and go OUTSIDE.”
It just stood there frozen, it’s tail moving back and forth.
Finally, the feet moved and he turned his body completely around and made a run for it.
IN THE WRONG DIRECTION.
He headed further into the house, under the TV stand and disappeared before my eyes.
I tried to call Justin.
I tried to call Debbie.
Left a message.
So then, I sat on a chair with my feet up until Debbie called me back. She reassured me that it was okay, the little thing was more afraid of me than I was on him. He would hide and ultimately dry up a sad and unfortunate demise.
“How sad,” I thought. “And, I really did try to save it.”
A few minutes later Justin called back and I told him my saga. He confirmed, it would hide. It was more afraid of me.
So, I finally chilled out.
After a few minutes of breathing calmly my phone rang. It was Justin again.
“You won’t believe what Pup just found crawling across the floor of our apartment.”
“No.” I said in disgust.
“A blue tailed skink.”
“What!” I screamed back into the phone.
Justin reassured me that he caught it and had it in a holding tank until I got home to see it. Then we would release it together. Oh. Goodie.
I never found the lizard that hid under Debbie’s TV stand, and to be honest I didn’t look very hard either.
But, when I got home, this is what Pup showed me.
As Justin picked it up with his BARE HANDS and released it back into the wilderness I thought of another wild and unruly land where I could be — the mall.
Freaky Friday indeed.
I should have gone shopping.